Scissors
by Kalidescopic-Zebra
Summary: After being forcibly dressed as a ballerina, set on fire and then almost drowned, Roxas decides it's time to take revenge on a certain red-head – scissor style! --Pairings inside-- --Axel centric-ish--
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything KH related, or any of the various other references, which will be metioned at the end of the final chapter - I like to keep people guessing. **

**Pairings: Hm... they'll be a bit lava-lampish, all over the place. ;)**

**Enjoy!**

**--**

**Scissors**

Chapter One - Arguments and Ideas

**_"And that, my friends, is how Roxas ended up wearing such a delightfully humorous costume this morning, isn't that right, Roxy?"_**

Momentarily overburdened with humiliation, Roxas avoided the twelve pairs of smirking eyes currently focusing upon him, all amused by the cruel prank which had left him helplessly trapped within the confides of a tight ballerina suit. Blushing scarlet, he aimed an infuriated glare in the direction of a babbling red-head, who continued to recall the events of this morning's antics. As he began to go into a detailed description of the costume the entire table erupted in laughter, save for a few pondering members, choosing to hide their amusement.

"Oh, and did I mention the lovely frilly hat to go with?" Axel continued, having difficultly restraining his laughter. "It really finished off the look!"

"Enough!" Roxas hissed across the table, finally managing to break through his intensifying embarrassment, though his protests went unheard, as the leader of the table suddenly grew tired of the current subject.

"A very amusing scenario indeed, Axel, however, jokes aside; I'd like to focus on a more pressing matter" Xemnas interrupted the laughter, any form of humour quickly vanishing from his stern face. He closed his eyes and exhaled deeply; everyone knew what was coming. Already intrigued, Saïx leaned forward, intent on listening while the other members let out an exasperated sigh - the subject of Kingdom Hearts was fast approaching.

A silence swept across the conference room, only broken by the quiet giggles of Demyx, who was still coming to terms with Roxas waking up as pretty ballerina, he was unaware the rest of the room had refrained from laughing a few moments ago. Xemnas cleared his throat loudly as a warning, his fists clenching in annoyance, eyebrows knotting together to form a severe 'v' shape.

"Kingdom Hearts is not a laughing matter, number nine!" Xemnas roared, causing the snickering sitar player to lose his seating.

"Of-of course!" Demyx replied, hastily trying to regain his composure. Xemnas could be very scary when discussing his favourite pastime.

Xemnas nodded; pleased to see his menacing presence was still working.

"As you already know, I've spent a considerable amount of time on new mission equipment, and I don't want anyone pulling faces when I distribute your new uniforms," he began, sharply raising a finger to several members attempting to express their dislike of the idea.

"I think they're wonderful," Saïx offered, staring adoringly at his leader. He'd caught Xemnas modelling the brightly coloured uniform in his room the previous night, gawping at himself in the mirror, clearly impressed by his efforts. The Luna Diviner had been both astonished and mesmerized when Xemnas began to twirl his new ensemble around the room, dancer-style.

"That's all very well, number seven, but you've not even seen them yet!" Xemnas retorted, oblivious to the fact he'd been stalked.

As twelve wrapped packages were passed around the table, Roxas began to feel intense warmth near the bottom of his cloak, it prickled the black fabric, slowly making its way onto his other clothing; someone had set him on fire. Panic-stricken he jumped onto his chair, pulling off his cloak and stamping on the rampant flames.

"Number thirteen, will you please calm down!"

Xemnas growled bringing a clenched fist down aggressively, as his golden eyes glared at the mad jumping act taking place at the bottom of the table. He was about to get violent when a sudden realisation hit him; number thirteen wasn't being disrespectful – he just couldn't possibly contain his excitement about the prospect of a new uniform – of course! He then smiled, and continued to watch the fiery spectacle – finally some enthusiasm!

"Erm, isn't anyone going to help him?" Zexion asked, without looking up from his book. It was a very interesting read; Conspiracy by Numbers, one of his old favourites - he wasn't able to physically put it down without help.

"Let him be,' Xemnas said, still smiling. "It's not everyday you're given a new uniform, is it? Why are the rest of you so calm!?"

"You can't be serious," a feminine voice spat across the table, repulsed by the psychedelic garment she'd opened. "I'm not wearing anything that says 'Kingdom Hearts Dream Team' on the back!"

"This is… different," Xigbar contributed, holding the cloak at a safe distance. "It doesn't exactly go with our supreme domination thing, does it? No, man, I'm not liking this at all."

"Oh, Xiggy, what are you talking about? It's perfect – majestic – two thumbs up, Xemnas!" Marluxia cheered, ripping off his black cloak and replacing it with the colourful one. "Five stars!"

"How experimental," Vexen began, prodding the opened package nervously "It's still in the initial test stages, I should hope?"

"This is one gamble I won't be taking," said Luxord, pushing the cloak into the centre of the table. "Not a chance."

"I'm hardly going to look scary with this technicolor dreamcoat blowing in the wind, am I?" Xaldin scoffed, folding his arms in stubbornness.

Lexaeus remained silent, shaking his head in disbelief. He then nudged Demyx, inclining his head towards a desperate Roxas.

"Just a moment, trying to get this thing open – I have to see what's inside!" Demyx muttered absentmindedly, as he clawed at the packaging without making any progress. Wordlessly, Lexaeus picked up the Melodious Nocturne and threw him towards the centre of burning conflict, along with his new cloak. The collision was immediate, Demyx's surprised water clones dousing the vicious fire within a few moments of contact. On the other side of the table, Axel let out a groan of disappointment at both his new uniform and the sudden end of his fun.

"It's about time!" Roxas snarled collapsing into a pile of charred rags, as the relieving water washed over his burnt attire. Demyx winked, grinning, settling back down to his package opening.

"Oh dear, Roxy, you're all wet," Axel purred, snapping his fingers together and setting his unwanted cloak alight. "How about I help you dry off?" The lanky red-head smirked, rising from his chair, his destination obvious.

"Don't come anywhere near me!" Roxas half-screamed, pulling himself to an awkward standing position. "You've gone too far this time!"

"Have I?" Axel chirped, seemingly non-affected by the murderous intent threatening his presence. He was about to retort with a smart-ass remark, however, Xemnas' rage cut him out, as several rapid blades pinned the two argumentative members to the pearly-white walls.

"This is an outrage!"

All chatter ceased throughout the hall, mourns of complaint were held back and even Zexion looked up from his book, puzzlingly frustrated.

"It was just a joke, Boss" Axel insisted, becoming slightly worried; the blades were gradually edging closer to sensitive areas. "Roxy loves all the attention really, don't you, Rox?"

Dripping, shivering and frustrated, Roxas raised his head with effort, inches away from one of Xemnas' threatening blades. "See what you've got us into now! Even the boss is sick of your childish pranks now, it's high time you-"

"Pranks?" Xemnas interrupted, his voice shocked, fist shaking, temper-tantrum brewing. "This isn't about pranks – this is about your cloaks – just look at them!" His arms flailed madly, almost slapping a pouting Saïx in the face, before he pointed to the two piles of scorched remnants, now sodden and far beyond repair. He let out an incredible yowl of aguish; finally deciding folding his arms would probably be the most fear-invoking pose he could manage at that precise moment.

"Wait – I didn't even open mine – it's…" Roxas protested, nervously glancing round his place on the table, the package had mysteriously disappeared it seemed. On the opposite side, Lexaeus quietly cleared his throat, carefully opening the rescued package from beneath the table.

"It was an accident, Boss, really!" Axel persisted, holding back a snicker as he watched Xemnas' face flare, consequently giving him the appearance of sun burnt tomato.

"Just like the time you burnt those beautiful hats I made for you all – I think not!" Xemnas spat venomously, clenched fist making contact with the table for a fourteenth time. A series of hushed murmurs filled the room, as each member recalled the horrifying pink and yellow hats, decorated in a sickly heart pattern, with 'Kingdom Hearts is the future' painstakingly sewed into the back panel. Everyone, Saïx aside, had heaved a sigh of relief when Axel had accidentally set fire to all of the packages, conveniently disposing the unwanted bonnets. When Xemnas had demanded an explanation, the smirking pyro had claimed his fire attacks sometimes had an unpredictable quality, but had subtly changed the topic to Kingdom Hearts. Xemnas had let it slide.

"Boss, if you think about it, they've actually done us a favour," Xigbar began, still refusing to wear his cloak. Xemnas' anger shifted immediately to the eye-patched freeshooter. "I mean, c'mon, who'd actually take us seriously in these things? We need to look like merciless heartless, not eccentrically dressed hippies."

Several members nodded in agreement, while Saïx took up a defensive position next to Xemnas, who was currently entering the first stages of his well-known tempter tantrums.

"They've been made colourful so we can attract attention – we're nobodies after all – we're relatively ignored as it is!" Saïx smiled to himself, impressed with his argument - he'd be sure to write about it in his journal later on.

"Yes," Xemnas gasped, his temper-tantrum finally taking dominance. "That's right, number seven, did you hear that, ungrateful fools?"

"Uh, boss?" Axel chipped in, beginning to feel the strain of being pinned to the wall for over ten minutes. "Can we come down now?" For a few moments there was no reply. Emerald eyes looked expectantly toward the erupting spectacle of anger, as several of the less terrified members shook their heads in warning.

"We're really sorry" the redhead continued, turning to his blond fellow victim for support "aren't we, Rox?"

Roxas remained speechless, motionless, small drops of water cascading from his drenched golden spikes. He still hadn't quite recovered from being set on fire, half-drowned and then turning into a pin cushion, which was understandable.

"He'll let you down under one condition," Saïx spoke up, reading from a small scrap of paper Xemnas had recently thrust towards him, unable to speak through his swelling anger.

"Anything- you name it!" Axel rejoiced, willing to do any amount of cleaning or heart gathering Xemnas desired. Roxas let out a grunt of approval, still feeling too wet and angry to contribute.

"He wants the both of you to design and make new cloaks for all us, including an extra special one just for him," Saïx declared, enjoying his moment of power and the looks of despair his words were greeted with. A wave of laugher filled the room once more, however, this time Axel wasn't included, he was far too busy retrieving his jaw from the floor.

"Surely, there's something else he wants?" he asked, anxiously, eyeing Xemnas with uncertainty "perhaps something less insulting, heh?"

"You should be honoured – the both of you!" Saïx roared, impulsively reaching for his outrageously big sword. "You've been entrusted with great responsibility – be honoured!"

"I like the idea," Xaldin said, entwining a black lock around his fingers, without noticing he'd tangled it into an impossible knot. "If they're wanting a catwalk performance to present their…" he searched for the appropriate word, "products, I'll happily supply any special effects – everyone loves that windswept look."

"They'd better look wearable this time, or else!" Larxene added, while small sparks of lightening dancing around her slender fingers, she grinned menacingly to emphasise her point.

"Aw, now that's a job I could do!" Giving up on his unwrapping struggle, Demyx gave both hanging pin-cushions looks of envious enrage. "How about we swap?"

Xemans hastily scribbled out another note to dictate.

"Number nine! Say it extra ferociously, that particular one annoys me- ah!" Saïx paused, mid-sentence; suddenly realising he wasn't supposed to read out the bit in brackets. Another vein popped on Xemnas' forehead, as his anger was cultivated further.

"I've got a bad feeling about this," Zexion said, sniffing thoughtfully from behind the cover of his book "the whole thing smells funny."

"Too right, Zexy," Marluxia nodded vigorously, half-imitating Xenmas' look of exasperation. "They don't know anything about designing clothing, I on the other hand have an advanced knowledge and-"

"I'm sure if the boss wants anything dying bright pink he'll head straight to you," Vexen sneered, already taking a strong disliking to the idea. He continued to jab his psychedelic cloak, forehead creased in deep thought. "You know, they needn't make new ones; I can just replicate one of the others."

More note scribbling.

Saïx took his time to read through the note carefully this time, afraid of slipping up. "Another six months in the basement for you!"

Vexen's eyes lost their suggestive twinkle, darkening into an icy-glaze of disappointment. Lexaeus gave him a reassuring pat, somewhat relieved by the thought of his cleaning duties being halved for another six months; a secretive smile graced his lips.

"This is an absolute waste of time!" Luxord was the last to speak, before Xemnas' towering rage had finally erupted. The last comment had sent him far over the edge, into the fiery realms of pandemonium.

"All of you out – out of my sight, before I do something rash!"

There was a collective scrape of chairs, as Xemnas' threat rebounded against the conference room walls, etching fear into each member present. As a group they hurried out, each of their respective items held tightly for protection. Only four figures remained.

"Uh, sorry to ruin the moment – but weren't you going to let us down?" Axel asked sheepishly, still hanging from the wall alongside a limp Roxas. Golden eyes flashed in madness, as both hanging bodies were brought to ground level with a loud thud.

"Do we have an agreement?" Xemnas questioned, hardly giving them time to recover from the impact. Saïx stood nearby, trying his very best to look frightening but eventually gave up, catching his bizarre expression in the reflection of his sword; severely pained wasn't the look he was going for.

"Well, I" Axel said, chancing a glance towards Roxas, who seemed too preoccupied with something else to care. "I guess so, then – when do we start?"

Xemnas broke out in a malevolent smile, the scarlet tinge abruptly draining from his face; he viciously snapped his fingers, a signal for Saïx to fetch his beloved toolbox.

"You'll start now, number seven will provide you with the needed equipment," he said, apparently calm. "Now, as for the deadline, let's see…"

"There's a deadline?!" Axel exclaimed, pulling himself to his feet in astonishment.

"Why yes, of course – two weeks, I'll say. That should be ample time."

"Is that it – no extensions?"

"Extensions? You expect me to wait?"

Axel frowned, shaking his head of red feathers in despair; the finished product was bound to be a disaster. He highly doubted Roxas had any experience in sewing, definitely, and it was likely that'd he'd be moody about the whole being set on fire thing for at least a week.

Saïx returned soon enough, clasping a small golden chest between his long fingers. He walked intentionally slow, terrified of dropping it. Xemnas snatched it, quickly dismissing him, and began digging frantically into the interior of the chest.

"Ah yes, a needle and thread for you, number eight" he cooed, handing a confused Axel a tiny packet of needles and several threads in assorted colours. "And as for you, number thirteen, you'll be in charge of these."

Roxas blinked several times before accepting the sharp item entrusted to his care; he'd been inspired. The cold silver brought a warm glow of achievement to his face, as the answer to the question he'd been pondering for the last hour became obvious. He looked up, meeting a puzzled red-head's gaze.

"You alright, Roxy?"

"Yeah," he replied, hiding a grin, he eyed the huge expanse of crimson and scarlet currently casting a shadow over him. "I've a brilliant idea."

--

**A/N: Hope you liked! Feedback is crucial... well not crucial, but I do like it; feel free to leave a review. ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Alright, I'm apologising in advance for the god-awful pun in the middle of this chapter, really, I honestly couldn't help it. This chapter, much like the other, was completely unplanned. The quick plan I'd scribbled down originally for it is going to be chapter three, awkward eh?**

**Chapter Two**

**An Unplanned Haircut**

After several long, laborious hours of bickering, brain-storming and needle pricks, the costume couple had finally decided to call it a night. Axel had been greatly relieved at this point; his blond comrade had been acting very bizarrely ever since Xemnas' so-called mission briefing. He'd been cradling the large pair of scissors ever-so protectively in his arms, occasionally tearing his gaze away from the glimmering silver to scowl in Axel's direction. Roxas clearly wasn't a very forgiving person.

From beneath the warm confides of his bed, Axel sighed, tossing and turning, as his troubled conscious led him into the chamber of horrors. He'd grown accustomed to his weird and wonderful nightmares over the years; they always featured strange creatures and scenarios, such as a female Xemnas, who had successfully created her own disastrous clothing range and become the official Miss. Kingdom Hearts, while maintaining her previous male attributes – Axel had refused to emerge from his room that particular week; he was convinced the nothingness was doing horrible things to his mind.

They weren't always disturbingly disgusting. A few weeks ago he'd dreamt about the basement crew, Zexion, Lexaeus and Vexen leaving the organization to form a techno-pop group, 'Basement Boogaloo.' Soon after, Saïx had left the organization, claiming his talents rested in the world of theatre, the dream had then descended into the musical genre, with numerous cameo appearances from the Destiny Island Trio. Xemnas had his own solo, of course, a highly epic and emotional piece – 'If only I had a heart.' There was only one definite explanation for his dreamland tomfoolery: his midnight consumption of sea-salt ice-cream.

All other nightmares paled in comparison to the one he was currently experiencing, this one was chilling to the penultimate snip. The reflection had startled him at first, recognition only sparking after his look of astonishment was mimicked. He gawped, horrified; the majestic inferno of hair was no more, instead uneven tufts and stumps were haphazardly scattered across a wasteland of deceased style.

"Wh-who did this?!" he gasped, gingerly touching one of the repulsive tufts, while glancing around for the possible criminal. Laughter came, familiar laughter, echoing laughter. Conflicting emotions of anger and panic bubbled, as troubled emerald eyes sped around at an impressive speed. His surroundings were also distinctively familiar; he was stood in the small, neglected interior of the thirteenth living quarter – Roxas' room. Marluxia had obviously not kept his promise about giving the place a Marly-tastic make-over, naturally, he'd jumped to task of designing it, however, after being appointed the various required DIY tasks he'd typically had second thoughts, hastily dumping the responsibly on Axel, who'd successfully managed to diminish the room to an ashen chamber within minutes.

"Roxas?"

* * *

A vague, cool sensation spread across the nape of his neck, icy-prickles delicately wandering down his spine. Slowly, the desolate room began to fade into the empty velveteen darkness of the waking world. Shooting up, the shaking red-head's hands instinctively grasped for the presence of his beloved feathers. Much to his relief, all was fine, if a bit sodden from the sweating, he smiled, allowing himself a small laugh.

"Just a dream," he said, all feeling of dread fading into amused bliss. Entirely oblivious of the proximity a certain sharp object was away from his throat, Axel sank back into his pillows, unknowingly increasing his vulnerability.

"Not quite," cooed a startlingly nearby voice, its owner struggling to maintain its balance over the huge bed, almost tripping over its highly cunning disguise.

"It's Xiggy's turn tonight, Dem – check the calendar, honestly," Axel mourned, pulling a pillow over his head in protest. Roxas clumsily slipped from his lurking position, falling backwards into a mess of blankets; his plan already had flaws.

"I'm not Demyx!" Roxas growled, drowning in the blanket whirlpool, his desperate hands clawed for any potential forms of support. One came soon enough, in the form of a burningly warm hand.

"Hm?" Axel purred, somewhat confused and intrigued by the nameless presence currently squirming in his bed.

"What on earth have you and Xigbar been doing with Demyx?!" Roxas gaped, his mind coming up with ludicrous possibilities.

"Oh, he has nightmares, you know – needs a bit of comforting," Axel replied casually, contemplating capturing the small weight and interrogating it.

"Comforting? Yeah, I'll bet," the struggling blond spat, still having difficulties remaining stable. "And it happens on a weekly basis too, how wonderful – how thoughtful of you - how-" a forceful hand clamped his mouth shut, while the other snaked around his back, grasping a chunk of hair.

"Easy there – who are you anyway? I'm sure I know that voice – Roxy!"

Roxas blinked frantically, his eyes slowly growing accustomed to the sudden burst of light. Axel grinned from his sitting position, releasing his grip and putting a hand to his chin curiously.

"Did you come to say you forgive me?"

"Not a chance!"

"Then you've come for something else?" Still grinning, Axel found great amusement in the horrified reaction from the blond- there was fun to be had here, lots of it and he wasn't one to let a great opportunity slip by. "I wonder what it could possibly be…"

Pondering for a few moments, Roxas stood his ground, making sure to keep a reasonably safe distance away from the querying red-head. He wouldn't get anywhere without a bit of clever trickery, though Axel was quite an expert in that particular subject. Gulping, he seized the only option with any chance of working, it was a long shot and he'd feel rather awkward doing it, but he had try.

"Well, actually…" he began, lowering his tone to a forced silky whisper, eyes willed into watery pools of temptation "I wanted to spend some time alone with you."

"Oh?!"

Perfect reaction. Roxas smirked secretly to himself, adjusting his hidden weapon to the appropriate snipping position. He continued to improvise, gradually edging nearer the astonished red-head, who stared in response, gazing incredulously, hypnotised. The atmosphere grew tense, heat intensifying, perspiration dripping, snaking down exposed skin.

"About what happened earlier on, the whole playing stupid pranks on me thing…"

"Uh, yeah?" Axel nodded absentmindedly, abruptly transfixed to the swirling orbs of cerulean heading his way.

_So little time, so many possible ways to embarrass him…_

His mind was rushing around, madly, delving into cracks and crevices uncovering gems of potential humiliating pranks, unfortunately, nothing came to mind. While digging for inspiration, he hardly noticed the distance rapidly closing between himself and the ambiguous blond.

A shiny flash passed by unnoticed, as Roxas subtly brought an arm around the seemingly paralysed red-head's shoulder. All was going to plan, nothing could go wrong.

"I'll forgive you under one condition," he declared, already feeling victorious, revenge was in reaching distance, just a little further, a few cuts away, nothing could go wrong. Axel began to laugh, his shoulders heaving, apparently still unaware there was a huge pair of scissors threatening his perfectly-styled hair's existence.

"Whoa, Roxy, didn't think you had it in you!"

Jolting from his striking pose, Roxas hissed in enragement, as a pair of strong but slender arms pinned him down. He gripped the scissors, which surprisingly still remained close enough to commit the crime.

"You'd be surprised,"

"Is that so?"

"Just wait and see," unable to wait any longer, Roxas went in for the kill, clasping his tool of destruction manically. Revenge was so sweet.

* * *

"Hey – what are you doing – get those things away from my sensitive area - argh!"

It was over within the measure of a second, the bed sheets lay in several pieces, mercilessly cut in madness. Sprawled across the tatters, Roxas panted, breathless; he'd been so close to victory, so impossibly close. Why couldn't everything go according to plan, just for once? Was that too much to ask for? Axel stood by the doorway, hands planted firmly as a protective fortress around his head.

"So it's like that, is it?!" he snarled, suddenly adopting one of his more serious attitudes. "Nobody plays pranks on me – nobody!" Wisps of fire waltzed around his now gloved fingers, his gaze trained to the instruments of destruction. The dastardly scissor wielding menace stumbled to his feet, assuring himself crimson hair would be slashed that night, regardless of the circumstances.

"I just did," Roxas chirped, forgetting Axel's hair remained intact, mocking him from high above.

Together they glared, locked in competition, a tensed silence filling the room. Candles rasped timidly in the background, spreading an ephemeral glow over the centre of conflict. Everything appeared to be on pause, until a soft knock upon the partially open door disturbed the awkward moment.

"Erm…" a cautionary voice began, as the door creaked open ever so slightly and a spiky haired silhouette drifted in. "Just wanted to double check that it's definitely Xig-"

Already guessing the mysterious silhouette's identity and intended question, Axel noted his chance to escape and disappeared in a black, shadowy flash, leaving a confused Demyx and an infuriated Roxas behind, they scratched their heads in unison, eyes straining to watch the fading portal. Demyx sighed, his attention shifting to the scissor-blade wielder. As the situation became clearer, he lashed an accusing finger outwards, assumptions already bubbling.

"Since when did you have nightmare counselling?!"

"Nightmare – what?" Roxas repeated, bewildered.

"You heard me!" Demyx began pacing, willing his voice to sound threatening, his finger continuing to point awkwardly aggressive at the dumbfounded blond.

"You mean, he didn't make that up?!"

"Well, of course not! Who'd make something like that up – anyway you're changing the subject – has Xiggy been involved in this too?!"

The ninth member let his jealousy take the reigns, summoning several water clones to back him up, in case he had second thoughts, which was highly possible – most of his threats hadn't actually yet been fulfilled, aside from stealing Xigbar's eye patch, he'd managed that one, just about, but not without consequences.

"No no – I'm here on different business, nothing nightmare related, relax," Roxas offered, holding his arms up as a sign of surrender to the army of approaching water clones.

"Phew…" the clones vanished with rapid pop, a relieved smile touching the sitar player's lips. "That's a relief; things could have got really ugly, you know"

Roxas managed a half-smile in response, his mind elsewhere.

"Oh!" Demyx gasped, bright eyes bulging, a discovery dawning.

"Oh?"

"It all makes sense now!"

"That's great, Dem, I'd better be off now, got stuff to do, scores to settle…" Hardly in the mood for an epiphany, Roxas decided to make an exit; he sensed his target was seeking out hiding places or plotting, one of the two… or maybe both! He frowned at that thought, jogging towards the door.

"Wow! Just wait till I tell everyone!" Demyx bounced around, jubilant, his beloved sitar appearing miraculously from thin air. "I'm gonna write a song all about it!"

"Can't wait to hear it," Roxas replied, any evidence of enthusiasm missing from his voice.

"It's wonderful that you're so open about it, hope it lasts!"

"Long enough to take a picture, hopefully…"

Demyx raised an eyebrow, strumming a few introductory notes on his sitar. "Oh Rox, you old romantic, you!"

The parting line of conversation fell on deaf ears, as Roxas had only one mental process currently functioning; images of a despairing Axel, who sunk to his knees, like a defeated soldier, played on and on as he travelled swiftly down and across the spiralling stairwell.

* * *

Narrowing her eyes in concentration, breath held in anticipation, Larxene slid several sharpened throwing knives into her steady hands, each occupying a slot between her delicately deadly fingers. She took her time, choosing the appropriate moment to attack – timing was everything in this particular exercise. Her two chosen victims gawped at her blankly; their expressions motionless yet still anger-inspiring.

"Now!" she screamed, letting loose a shower of blades, heading in the direction of two important Organization XIII members, which also happened to be her superiors. Triumphant in her violence, she laughed proudly, taking up a victory pose. Accomplished, she skipped over to the remains, giggling at Xemnas' missing eyes and nose. Saïx appeared to have taken the brunt of the savagery.

"X marks the spot," she sneered, retrieving the cluster of knives occupying Saix's forehead. Of course, they weren't the real things - they were only posters, much to her dismay, but she got kicks out of it anyway. Ever since joining the Organization, launching large amounts of sharp objects had turned into an important hobby, an adequate finish to the passing days. It allowed her to let off some steam and practise for when posters where replaced with flesh and bone.

She was abruptly pulled from out of her violent reverie by several battering knocks upon her bedroom door. Never before had she been disturbed so late at night, she hesitated, pocketing her weapons. Another onslaught of knocks followed, thundering in desperation.

Larxene muttered to herself in aggravation, the thought of drawing her knives once more becoming increasingly tempting, though she purposely refrained from doing so, suspecting the persistent intruder may be one of her superiors. Without too much consideration, she opened the door, curiosity turning into malevolent optimism as her eyes clapped onto an apprehensive-looking redhead. She grinned, tilting her head in an inquiring manner.

"Larx, you've gotta help me – let me in, _will you_?!"

* * *

**Expect an update in a couple of days. I'm determined to finish this little fic, since I've never actually completed one before. Laziness is a terrible condition.**

**Reviews are welcome, as are ideas. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Ah yes, it's time for the unnecessarily long plot-building chapter, which took quite a while to write as most of my brain melted away last week, due to working on checkouts for too long. Needless to say, I found it again, at the bottom of a Jack Daniels bottle. :)**

**Any OOCness will be explained later on, if I can locate a good enough reason.**

**Chapter Three**

_Beauty Tips from the Savage Nymph_

**"_What's in it for me?"_**

Larxene made no inclination of allowing the urgent redhead passage, as she stood in the doorway, grinning. Axel attempted to push her out of the way, however, after a series of painful jolts shot up his spine, he decided otherwise.

"Again, what's in it for me?" Larxene repeated, enjoying the desperate looks being flashed her way. "My room is very sacred and private place, you're not allowed in without a good reason and let's not forget the entrance fee,"

"Look, Larx, there's really no time to explain – just let me in and I'll tell you everything," Axel persisted, still twitching a bit from his electrifying experience. He knew Roxas was close; he felt a strong, menacing presence above him, which may have been Xemnas recovering from his earlier tantrum or the scissor-blade wielder, on the prowl.

It was insulting, really, playing victim. Normally, the small blond would play the part of prey, while Axel hunted him down, armed with a humiliating weapon of sorts – it was all good fun, until the tables turned. He couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt towards Roxas, but of course, he wouldn't be in this position for very much longer – he just needed to confiscate those scissors – those huge, terrorizing slicing scissors. So long as his hair was in jeopardy, who couldn't risk facing the threat head on, the consequences were far too devastating. He stiffened in fear, remembering the dream.

"Ooh, just look at you," Larxene cooed, reaching up towards the disgruntled pyro's face, ever-so gently tracing the outline of his jaw. "Well, I suppose I could let you in… under one condition," she smirked, ideas forming.

"Why is everything conditional today?!" Axel snapped, shaking the trailing hand away, knowing full well the Savage Nymph's requests were renowned for their unpredictability.

"I don't do freebies," she replied, her smirk melting to a displeased frown.

Axel gave a feeble laugh. "No, you've got the wrong end of the stick there, Larx, I only want-"

"I know exactly what you want," she interrupted, slowly stepping backwards into her darkened lair. "The question is, will you agree to the terms?"

"It depends," Axel replied, without committing himself. "No funny business,"

"I'm making no promises,"

"I don't want a repeat of last time!"

Larxene giggled, recalling the drinking game, which had resulted in the drunken redhead exiting her chambers, completely naked to send Xemnas a love letter she'd composed especially for the occasion. Luckily for Axel, Saïx had destroyed the letter before their highly-strung leader got chance to read it.

"Better try elsewhere, then," she said, chancing an inquisitive glance down the corridor, her eyes twinkled with malicious intent as she spotted a small shadow. "Although… I think someone wants a word with you,"

Axel froze. "He's not behind me, is he?"

Larxene nodded, every inch of her face lighting up in radiant ruthlessness.

"Is he, by any chance, carrying anything?" He pictured the scissors, gleaming deadly silver, snapping ferociously.

"No, nothing much really," Larxene replied curtly, pausing to take another look "apart from something large, sharp and shiny," she added as an afterthought.

The colour drained from Axel's face. "You've gotta let me in – right now!"

"Only if you-"

"Yes, I'll do it!" Axel proclaimed, all rationality dispersing into desperation.

"I knew you'd come around," Larxene purred, stepping aside, the prospect of a potential torture session pleasing her immensely. Axel scurried in quickly, not bothering to look where he was going, he collided with large mannequin, falling face down, cursing, as the newly arrived bruise announced its presence on his forehead. Forcing his eyes open, he took another dive backwards after coming face to face with the Graceful Assassin.

"Be careful of Marly, there, he doesn't like to be disturbed," Larxene said, with a small giggle, still holding the door open. The shadow had sped up considerably after its target had entered her torture chamber, concerned by the intentions of a certain Savage Nymph; Axel was his victim, not hers. He growled, enviously enraged.

She grinned in response, giving him an encouraging wink, before turning to her bedraggled captive. "My my, what have you done to him this time?"

The aforementioned captive was still recovering from his encounter with the highly lifelike Marluxia, to hear her completely. At the same moment, he'd noticed the presence of twelve other mannequins, bearing the faces of each organization member, including himself, which looked slightly more alive than others, as it wasn't missing various body parts. He gulped, wondering what he'd got himself into, surely it wouldn't be as bad as a haircut?

Larxene watched in amusement; tonight was going to be fun. From the corner of her eye, Roxas had made impressive progress and was in the process of lunging dramatically forward. Regardless of his condition, tangled around a fallen mannequin of Xaldin, Axel saw through her plan, copying Roxas' motion of flailing towards the door.

"Don't let him in; he's dangerous!" He roared, pushing Larxene aside, flying not-so gracefully into the open doorway, arms outstretched like a frantic seagull. The sentence sounded strange, spilling from his mouth; Roxas wasn't dangerous, he was calm, indifferent and a fantastic guinea pig for potential tricks of a ridiculously stupid theme. Something was wrong with this situation, something was very wrong; it was like Demyx willingly going on huge killing spree, without his 'bad-ass villain quote' prompt cards.

Once again, Roxas was about to encounter one of those situations in which he became very close to attaining his goal, but missed it by just a mere, annoyingly small inch – he'd come to really despise that inch. This particular inch took the form of a door slamming, being knocked out cold and his scissors becoming lodged in the blockage, a reminder of the intended carnage coming a certain redhead's way.

* * *

Axel slumped wearily against the closed door, combing a relieved hand through his precious spikes; another close call – a very close one, he began to worry again – how long could his luck possibly hold out? Surely he'd have to leave Larxene's room at some point? Why was everything covered in knives? More importantly what did The Savage Nymph have planned?

"Ooh, just you wait and see, Cinder-ella," Larxene sneered, apparently reading his thoughts, as she patted an empty seat in front of her overly macabre dressing table, inviting him to take a seat.

"Cinder-ella? What – oh, oh – I see what you've done there…" Axel replied, a kaleidoscope of unthinkably horrible possibilities circling his mind in humiliating agony. He sat down gingerly, eyeing the torture devices in apprehension. It was a gothic paradise; eye-shadows of every black imaginable and unimaginable, wigs of otherworldly qualities and sizes, accessories of a generally spiked and pain-inspiring nature – he'd got himself in a real big pickle this time.

"Now, where to begin…" Larxene mused to herself, tugging on one of her blonde antennas in deep thought.

"As long as it doesn't involve-"

He was quietened, as the pondering nymph rapidly sealed his complaints with a sharp finger to the lips. "Hush, now,"

Axel bit his tongue, suppressing a groan of disagreement. He didn't like to be hushed – if he had something to say, it got said, regardless of the circumstances. Crossing his arms despairingly, he let his attention wander to the other matters, namely the one waiting outside, scissors at the ready.

"Aha!" Larxene cried while dancing a terrifying little jig, as a thin smile curled upon her lips. "This may work in your best interests, hehe…"

"I highly doubt that," Axel said sceptically, doubting anything included in the next couple of savage hours would be advantageous.

"I'm definitely thinking Fiery Princess…" Larxene ignored him, nurturing her bizarre ideas into a new dimension.

"Fiery Princess?" Axel repeated, dumbstruck "Don't tell me you're into that whole role-play thing now, are you? And if you are, why do I have to play the female role? I'm not THAT girly!"

"It's a surprise…" Larxene giggled, slyly fishing out a black scarf, causing the curious redhead to jump as she quite suddenly wrapped it around his head, blocking out any hope of vision. "And you are quite girly… right, hold still."

"Larx, really, there are other things we can do, there's always-" Axel struggled against the prison of tightening ropes, currently being twirled around his body; pain was on the way – no doubt about that.

"You won't feel a thing," the excited nymph interrupted, putting extra force into each restraining knot. The intense finality of the last tug left Axel breathless, wondering if he may have been better off going to Marluxia's room for shelter, though unfortunately, the Graceful Assassin didn't take too kindly to anybody disturbing his midnight gardening sessions. Of course, poor Demyx had found out the hard way; after innocently picking flowers to decorate Zexion with, in a futile attempt at bringing a little festive cheer into the shadowy schemer's life, he'd been chased for several weeks on and off by Marluxia, who'd decided the sitar-player was in need of a good few hours in the Greenhouse of Contemplation, to think about his hideously cruel wrong-doings.

Seconds of trepidation drifted by, leaving Axel wordlessly wondering when the first striking jolt of savagery would take place. Vaguely, in the background, he could hear the distinct sound of steel being sharpened, ever-so meticulously – Larxene had always been a perfectionist.

Nothing happened for a very long while, and in his panicking state of mind the restrained redhead became convinced he'd actually become immune to pain, however, a sharp tingling pain on his neck soon declined his assumption, filling him with a distorted hazy feeling.

"See," Larxene's voice wisped faintly nearby, hardly audible "told you it was painless… I've been waiting such a long time to be able to do this – to finally have a real target to practise on – the chance to pierce through real flesh and-"

"Wouldn't you have more fun if I wasn't tied up?" Axel suggested, wincing as the sting in his neck began to spread a prickling sensation across the entirety of his chest.

"Possibly…"

"Then how about you untie me? I'll run, jump, dance, boogie-woogie – whatever you want, while you cover me in sharp things" Axel said, stifling a yawn, weariness suddenly overcoming his consciousness.

"Wow, Vexen was right; this stuff is quick!" Larxene chimed, eyeing the empty vial with a pleasantly surprised expression.

"W-wait a sec, there," Axel stammered, momentarily infuriated by the fact he was stammering. "That wasn't just a…" a pained pause, "just a… mindless stab to the-" he found great difficulty in finishing the sentence, and decided that a feeble grunt would be a sufficient ending to his question.

Larxene snickered, patting her captive affectionately on the shoulder. "Like I said, I need you to keep still for this experiment…"

Ideally, he wanted to retaliate, but unfortunately the effects of the injection had already taken full control, and were currently putting their all into lulling him into a deep sleep. He complied soon enough, with the uncomforting sound of joyously sinister laughter to lead him into a troubled slumber.

* * *

****

"Alright, you can open your eyes now!"

With a hangover-like headache viciously clawing into his skull, Axel let out a sigh of impatience, fidgeting in his ropes, as he slowly and carefully urged his eyes open; he snorted in incredulity noticing that he was now blind, before horror set in, thick and fast.

"Larx," he breathed, growing increasingly frantic in his restrained state, wanting to feel the remainder of his dismembered face "… you sicko!"

"How rude!" Larxene spat, pausing from undoing the ropes, folding her arms in aggravation. "You've not even seen her yet!"

"My eyes - I want them back – whatever you've done to them – I don't care if you've sliced, diced, slipped them into Xaldin's morning fry-up, told Demyx they're some kind of ancient artefact that'll give him angels wings, or sold them to Vexen for one of his bizarre cloning projects – I want them back, they're mine!" Axel had apparently ignored the blond nymph's last statement, certain his emerald orbs had a new owner.

Larxene dropped to her knees in hysterics, barely able to speak through the onslaught of giggles.

"Since when was plucking someone's eyes out so unbelievably hilarious?!" Axel gaped, still getting over the shock, unaware that the black cloth still remained in place, preventing him from seeing anything.

"Plucking eyes out? I wouldn't stoop that low, however, it is intriguing, I must admit," Larxene quickly jotted the idea of meaningless violence onto her hand, suddenly quite inspired. "Now, I want your honest opinion on this…"

"On blinding me?" Axel scoffed, groping for something exceptionally sarcastic to say; quickly realising his witty comebacks had disappeared along with his eyesight.

"Nothing, until I've shown her to you," Larxene whispered, giving her masterpiece one last gaze of adoration. "Ah, she'll go down a treat…" She undid the blindfold and ropes purposely slowly, hoping to ensnare even more apprehension into the perplexed redhead, though much to her dismay he snatched her hand away, urgently finishing the job off.

"Wow… she's hot – flaming hot!" Axel cheered; miraculously forgetting about the fact he may have been blind just seconds ago, as his full attention wandered over to a scarlet-haired lady, with eyes of the purest green and a dress of engulfing flames surrounding her slender attire.

"Vain… so vain," Larxene mumbled, rolling her eyes in resentment. He'd reacted exactly as she'd predicted, infatuated with his female counterpart, which was a good sign, she supposed.

"Vain?" the distracted redhead mumbled half-heartedly, still fixated on the tarted-up mannequin, wishing she was somehow real…

"She's you, idiot!" Larxene jeered, pointing out the obvious attributes they shared.

"Huh?" Axel squinted, looking for any signs of familiarity. "I don't have a pair of those…" he said, waving his arm in the direction of the mannequin's chest area. "And by the looks of things, she's certainly missing a few important pieces…"

A dastardly smile tugged at Larxene's lips, and she tilted her head in thought, eyes darting between the mannequin and victim. Throwing off the last rope, Axel rose from his seat, circling his female copy in curiosity. He had to admit, she did bear a strong resemblance, which worried him slightly.

"Larx," he began, catching his reflection in the mirror, thankfully noting everything seemed to be in the right place, "what's this all about?"

"Well, there's something I want, very badly," she replied, idly playing with the fabric on the mannequin's dress. "I guess you could relate my situation to Roxas' little payback scheme – and no, before you flee;" a swift flurry of knives twirled around Axel, preventing any chance of escape, "it doesn't involve scissors or your hair, but it does… require your input."

Axel stifled a laugh, narrowly dodging the path of a stray knife. "You're asking me for help?!"

Larxene shook her head. "Nope, you owe me one."

"You mean the whole tying up and sedating me thing didn't settle things?"

"Oh no, that was just for fun… I could have made the template for this little pretty without you being here, but the idea of watching you writhe around in agony seemed far too greater opportunity to pass up, don't you agree?" Larxene sent the puzzled redhead a cheeky grin, hoping to grill his remaining patience, though surprisingly he appeared to be seemingly calm, merely shrugging his shoulders in response.

"Oh well…" Axel sighed, scratching his head, apparently indifferent, "beats spending the night with Roxas, I guess."

"Oooh," Larxene raised her thin eyebrows in astonishment, secretly slinking an arm around the pyro's shoulders. "Too much action not enough talk, right?"

"Excuse me?"

"No wonder he's in THAT kind of mood…"

"Hey – what are you implying?!"

Larxene gave his shoulder a little squeeze. "It's not always about the raunchy stuff, you know"

"What?!"

"Maybe if you dress as Alex, you'll win him over again…"

"We're not like – wait – who's Alex?"

"You've already been introduced," Larxene said matter-of-factly, nodding at the scantily-dressed mannequin. Axel gawped, wordlessly frozen on the spot; she'd definitely been planning this for a long time, though the reason why she wanted him to dress as a fiery-mistress completely escaped him.

"I regret to inform you, Alex will not be spending any romantic nights patching things up with her blond sweetheart, instead she's got a few play dates with a certain King of Hearts planned," Larxene whispered tentatively, amusement playing in her voice, she gave the stunned redhead an encouraging push toward Alex, who remained motionlessly beautiful.

"Oh no…" Axel began, feeling his body begin to quake in unrelenting dread; he could barely stand being in the same room as Xemnas, let alone being his bitch – that was Moon Man's job, always had been, always would be. "Larx, I said I'd do anything, but really, I draw a line at spending 'quality time' with that wacko!"

"Aw, why not?" Larxene said in a sing-song voice, "it's for a good cause,"

"I'm not a charitable kind of guy, find someone else," Axel said with finality.

"Have it your way, then," the disappointed nymph huffed, withdrawing another injection from her pocket. Axel instinctively backed away; debating whether now would be an appropriate time to teleport, however, he paused, realising he was not the intended target. "Wakey wakey, Roxas…"

* * *

Roxas was curled up on Larxene's bed, cuddling the deadly blades lovingly, a content look of crazed ferocity gracing his face.

Axel twitched uncontrollably as panic stations were iniatiated.

"I wouldn't bother teleporting; that injection wasn't just a sedative," Larxene pointed out, advancing on the unconscious blond.

Despite the warning, Axel willed himself away, swaggering as his body promptly rejected the request – he had no means of escape; Larxene had installed a ridiculously complicated locking system on her door, complete with traps, shocks and numerous unnecessary time-consuming pass codes.

"Personally, I think you'll look great with a perm," Larxene quipped, stalking over Roxas, raising the needle in search of vein.

"Alright – fine!" He could hardly believe his words, or the unspeakable fate that awaited him. Several terrifying images began to flicker weakly in his head, featuring himself (in his female guise, of course) and a somewhat cheery Xemnas, skipping through fields of daffodils, having picnics beside a rushing stream, laughing and being overly emotional while watching chick-flicks, discussing Kingdom Hearts into the early hours of the morning, walking in the twilight of the moon, hand in hand, alone together getting to know each other better and-" he stopped there, too horrified to continue his journey.

"Sign here!" Larxene was beside herself with tainted happiness, merrily brandishing a long scroll of paper, with impossibly small writing; Axel signed, regardless – he no longer had choice in the matter.

"Answer me this," he began, still attempting to block out images of Xemnas heart-shaped love nest, a blood-curdling shudder ran down his spine. "Why are you doing this?"

"Hmm, good question…" Larxene cupped her chin in contemplation, selecting a plausible answer "… I need someone to distract that rambling nitwit while I and a few nameless others seize control of the organization, we've been planning it for weeks…"

"Oh?" Axel gratefully embraced the distraction, as it forced any disturbing imagery to the back of his mind.

"Yes, it's all taking place next week – when the clock strikes midnight – we've even got agents working outside, ready to attack once given the signal. If all goes to plan, we'll finally be seeing end to all this foolishness and Kingdom Hearts rubbish."

"Really?" Axel was dubious; Larxene wasn't sounding normal – she sounded hungry for justice, diplomatic, reasonable and generally not very Larxene-ish.

"Nah, that's a load of bull… I just really want to annoy Saix," she sighed, casually tossing a few knives at the said Luna Diviner's ravished mannequin, "his ass-kissing drives me nuts,"

"Makes sense, " Axel agreed, "he does strike me as the jealous and over-protective type."

"I want to see him cry like an unwanted puppy…" Larxene mused dreamily, her lips curving into a smirk of bliss.

"So, basically you want me to win Boss-Man's affections, pretending to be Alex…"

"Precisely,"

"Should be a bundle of laughs,"

"She'll make her first appearance tomorrow night, at the dinner table, and if anyone asks about your absence I'll them you've come down with a highly contagious illness,"

"I don't get ill," Axel protested.

"You do now," Larxene corrected him.

"Actually," pondering emerald orbs drifted over the dozing scissor-blade wielder currently occupying Larxene's bed. "I want you to do me a little favour, since I'm putting my dignity on the line,"

"Dispose of the scissors?" Larxene asked knowingly, "consider it done,"

Axel smiled genuinely for the first time in their discussion, "well, there's that… and I'd also like you to make a few… alterations to Roxy, before he leaves,"

The blond nymph's eyes sparkled in understanding pleasure. "I'll do what I can,"

* * *

**A/N: Feedback? It can be good or bad, or both!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Gawd, this chapter has been accidentally deleted, re-written and remembered at least four times, thought I'd never get it finished. It's far too long as well, in comparison to the others, but I can't be bothered cutting any bits out, too much effort. **

**Oh well.**

**_--_**

Chapter Four

Highly Dangerous Spatula

**--**

In the tallest, shiniest and most important tower of The Castle That Never Was, standing upon the highest and most non-existent balcony, while dramatic music played loudly in the background, a solitary figure watched his beloved creation in wonderment, bathing in its radiance – Kingdom Hearts looked beautiful, as always.

Xemnas allowed himself a smile, outstretching his arms as if to embrace the luminous source of twilight, silently whispering words of endless adoration and admiration. He didn't love Kingdom Hearts, unfortunately – he couldn't – it wasn't possible, not without a heart, though regardless of being heartless, he spent enough time staring, longing and generally acting like an infused lover, when the glowing spectacle was concerned.

"… you're my carriage to blissful eternity… the desired key to my heart-shaped box… a guiding light to salvation… existence gift wrapped, with additional bows and various other joy-provoking decorations… supreme domination in three easy steps my saviour, my messiah – my one and only-"

**_"Axel!"_**

Xemnas was abruptly withdrawn from his drabbling, by the rude, unannounced arrival of a frantic Saïx, who was panting heavily, a look of sheer enragement on his face, though when compared with Xemnas' recently changed expression, his anger had qualities of happiness.

"Number seven," he began, attempting to subdue the first symptoms of the tantrum beast, which already was beginning to bear its fangs "what have I told you about disturbing me during 'worship hour?'

Saïx lowered his eyes to the floor, guiltily distressed. "That you'd forbid me from seeing Kingdom Hearts, prevent me from speaking of any matter regarding Kingdom Hearts and relinquish my status as 'Moon Pal…" he said grimly; the last punishment was particularly unbearable – he loved being a member of 'Moon Pals.'

The club only had two members, Xemnas and himself; however, every Sunday of each week, they'd don their special-super-starry capes and put time aside for Moon Pal activities. Last week they'd spent the entire night constructing pictures of Kingdom Hearts from pasta shapes and then baked little heart-shaped cookies to distribute around the Organization, none of which had been consumed.

Xemnas nodded; his clenched fist desperate to make contact with something in an aggravated-kind of action. "Hand over your cape,"

"Noo!" Saïx screamed, covering his mouth in horrified astonishment; he wasn't aware his voice could reach that intensity of highness. "Please, your Majestic-Almighty-Excellency-of-Divine-Supremacy, I've got a good reason for interrupting you, it's-"

"There is no reason for disrupting the crucial ritual!" Xemnas scolded, rushing over to his brooding throne, and slumping down in a huff. He held his head high, nose pointed in the air, clearly very upset.

"No, no – wait – let me explain, my Wise-Dazzling-Magnificently–Malevolent -Superior-of-Splendorous-Beauty-and-Undying-Opulence – it's Axel, he's rejected your orders!" Saïx dashed dutifully after his master, kneeling anxiously, his eyes pleadingly troubled.

Xemnas twitched; the words 'orders' and 'rejected' causing the domineering tantrum beast to shift its murderous intentions. "Number eight, you say?"

Saïx nodded vigorously, "He's been neglecting his cloak-making duties to be with number twelve all night, performing…" he lowered his voice, "unmentionable acts…"

The dramatic music from worship hour quickly transcended into a spine-chilling melody of despair, as Xemnas leapt from his throne, sending a hurtling wind spiralling around the room, thunder clapped, wanting to be part of the drama. Saïx dismissed the temptation of running after his superior and seizing him in a suffocating hug, instead he remained in his knelt position, waiting expectantly.

"There's always one of them conspiring…" Xemnas declared quietly, placing his hands on his hips, seemingly hurt. "You'd think they didn't like me…"

"Don't be ridiculous, my Glorious-Harbinger-of-Most-Enlightened-and-Groundbreaking-Wonderment!" Saïx protested, gasping for breath.

"Only number eleven liked my cloaks…" Xemnas continued, keeping his golden eyes trained to the floor in sadness, "… and he doesn't really count."

"Well personally, I loved them – really, I can't stress that enough, Oh-Great-Transcendent-and-Dynamic-Liege-of-Utmost-Sumptuousness!" Saïx insisted, carefully approaching his silver-haired leader with an air of timid caution.

"If only…" Xemnas glided to the balcony once more, suddenly a ghost of his previous intimidating self, he draped himself pathetically over the banister, wallowing. "If only there was someone who shared my dream…"

"You're not alone… there's always me, Stupendous-Lord-of-Elegance-Charm-and-Such-Exquisite-"

"Enough of your flattery!" Xemnas roared, accompanied by a convenient roar of thunder and a hysteric shriek of violins in the background soundtrack. "I must be left alone… your company is no longer needed!"

The Luna Diviner winced, fearfully taken aback, the cold words cutting through his unwavering loyalty with effortless ease. He knew if he stuck around for much longer he'd definitely be the tantrum beast's first victim, dismembered, disgraced and dismissed. Suppressing urges to retaliate, while warily watching his distraught superior from corner of his eye, he reluctantly made his way towards the tower's exit, hiding his pained disappointment, while one of many questions lingered.

"What of number eight – his punishment?"

"Humph, I don't know – my creativity has deserted me – draw one from the hat… let him know he's on his last chance," Xemnas said, half-heartedly, without much consideration, sounding almost bored, lazily pointing at the over-used top-hat, which lay amongst several discarded heart-shaped plush-toys.

"As you wish," Saïx bit his tongue, knowing full well Axel was on his eighteenth chance, and that the punishment hat's instructions would likely be something outlandishly stupid, much like last time's 'narrate Demyx's every movement, action and emotion for the month;' Demyx had loved having Xigbar following him around with a running commentary, and had begged him to continue after the month was up – the gunslinger complied for a short while before asking for an alternative.

"You may leave," Xemnas reminded, noticing he still hadn't received his wish of isolation. His game-plan was to fit in as many hours of brooding before hitting the sack, leaving time to reflect on the day's disastrous events and mutter incoherently about certain members of the Organization.

Saïx frowned, awkwardly fiddling with the silver chain on his cloak, "Till tomorrow, my-"

"Now, number seven, not later!" Xemnas just about managed to turn around, with immense effort, to face his blue-haired annoyance, his face moulding into a strained mess of impatience and resentment.

"I apologise," Saïx replied, remorsefully, stashing his thesaurus away, and wordlessly slipping out of the tower.

Relaxing his face, Xemnas gazed hopefully into the expanse of nothingness far above, then down, beyond the sky-scrapers and screens into the neon-lighted city, acknowledging his Kingdom of non-existence – it was such a huge responsibility for just one nobody maintain.

"If only I had a Queen to share the responsibility with…"

By the looks of things, Xemnas was preparing to launch into a song of epic and highly emotional proportions, however, he quickly scraped the idea after realising he couldn't possibly brood and perform musical numbers at the very same time. Defeated, he returned to his throne, and immersed himself into a ceaseless sulk, while his hair automatically adopted its curtain setting, shutting him in for the night, nice and snug.

--

Meanwhile, Saïx had retreated to his study, fumbling and bumbling, immediately retrieving his precious journal from its perch, beside the Moon Pal poster, which he and Xemnas had painstakingly finger-painted a few club sessions back. It featured the two of them, as stick men, (neither of them were very talented in the art department) holding the halves of a heart in an interconnecting fashion. Xemnas had wanted to destroy it, after confirming his hair was more of a glorified grizzled grey than just simply black lightened, but the Luna Diviner had intervened declaring the painting held sentimental value, and that he'd treasure it forever. Xemnas had grunted in response, his mind elsewhere.

Saddened by the memory, Saïx took a seat, opening the large tome and pulling a quill from a nearby inkwell. Within a few moments of contemplation, pen was put to paper and the gibberish came flooding out.

_Tonight, I find myself not over the moon but alas beneath its monochrome glory, residing in ceaseless gloom…_

_Thrown out, an outcast, unwanted, milk past its sell by, a half-eaten kit-kat, an unpleasant pest, a dirty little rat…_

_Why must I squander my time on such futile pursuits?_

_Only to remain trapped, entangled, paralyzed, by his most forbiddingly lustful roots,_

_I stand here – no, I sit here, not a man but a nobody, who is a man, surrounded by the nothingness of manliness!_

_Tell me, Sweet-Highness-of-Heavenly-and-Honourable-Ecstasy, why you ignore my presence so?_

_Am I but a forgotten dirty sock, missing from the original pair?_

_A split end? _

_An awkward facial hair?_

_Let's pretend, for just one moment, for one anguished instant, that I had a heart to hold you…_

Saix grumbled, crinkling his nose in disgust; he hadn't intended to get this soppy, repulsed he quickly scribbled it out, removing it from existence.

_As a new moon fast approaches, while even numbers scandalize the night – those filthy cockroaches!_

_I ponder and wander, if there was a me for you?_

_Or if really, there was never a you for me to never be there for?_

_And then possibly, if the you not for me, and the me just for you, simply couldn't muster the effort to work things out?_

_**NEVER!**_

Dropping his quill in quelled fright, Saïx shuddered apprehensively, thoughts of an unresolved tension haunting his every stream of thought. After a few seconds of muttering, fidgeting and jumping around like a jack-in-the-box, he decided there was only one course of action – to declare his feelings.

"Tomorrow night," he breathed, clasping his hands together in adamant decision, words began to gather; "Tomorrow night, what a sight- while the stars are shining radiantly bright, I shall…" a spotlight appeared from out of nowhere, following the rejoicing diviner's lively dance moves and gestures. Undoubtedly, there would be at least one song performed tonight…

* * *

"Oh geeze, you just had to see the two of them – it was all heating up in there!" Demyx exclaimed, waving his spoon around excitedly at the breakfast table. He'd hardly been able to sleep all night after hearing the news from Roxas, and had already informed his eye-patched friend all about last night's fiery antics.

"Oh yeah?" Xigbar queried, quirking an eyebrow in scepticism. "And I suppose you were part of this hot rumpy pumpy action, too?"

"Xiggy, don't say it out loud!"

The gunslinger smirked, his one able eye watching the table's very few occupants refrain from their activities and stare in disbelief at the flailing sitar-player. Luxord lowered his paper, inquisitiveness distracting his morning reading, while the basement crew, who were sat purposefully close together and distancing themselves from everyone else, paused from their hushed whispering to gawp.

Even Xaldin, who had been lumped with the responsibility of preparing breakfast allowed his attention to wander away from his cooking pot, consequently causing the bubbling mixture to overflow into a foul-smelling mess.

"Aw, I'm just playing with you, Dem – you imagined the whole thing, right?" Xigbar laughed, ruffling the disgruntled water-wielder's brown spikes.

"No no, it really happened – really, it's for real - I've started to write a song about it and…" Demyx insisted, delving into his pockets in search of a certain scrap of paper.

"Oh, right, right… just like Mr. Lord of the Underbed is real?" Xigbar challenged, raising his arms spookily in a drifting motion.

Demyx felt his insides churn in dread; the unmentionable name had been mentioned. "You promised you'd never say his name again – not after last time!"

Xigbar recalled that particular last time very well; in fact he'd been having issues trying to forget it for quite a long while. Mr. Lord of the Underbed was the unplanned product of one of his pranks gone terribly wrong: Demyx had been rather unsettled after his little trip to the Underworld and had be roaming around headquarters in paranoia, Xigbar had taken note of this, and feeling highly mischievous on that precise day, he had taken up temporary residence underneath the melodious nocturne's bed, choosing to make his grand exit in the dead of the night. Naturally Demyx instantly assumed there was a terrifying creature of sorts living beneath his mattress, and had forced Xigbar to check the premises were 'safe' every night since the incident.

"Mr. Lord of the Underbed?" Luxord repeated, seemingly fascinated, "sounds like a nice fellow, does he play cards?"

Zexion whispered incoherently to his comrades, with 'Underbed-individual' and 'joining forces' being the only audible words.

"I'm sorry, Dem," Xigbar stifled a laugh, smiling sympathetically, "I'll be sure not to mention him again… or his creepy-weepy hands…"

"No – not the hands!" Demyx threw the chuckling freeshooter an offended look before cowering under the table, nervously glancing around for any signs of the mattress tormentor.

"Aah," Luxord said, tapping his forehead knowingly "he doesn't really exist, does he?"

Xigbar nodded in response, still grinning.

"That's right; he's a nobody – just like us- but a nasty one!" Demyx declared, daring to emerge from hiding and banging his head on the table.

"How awful… I wouldn't be able to sleep with Saïx under my bed either," Luxord gasped in feigned incredulity.

"_**I beg your pardon?" **_

All laughter and tomfoolery was abruptly ceased and the breakfast table suddenly adopted an ice-cold atmosphere, even wiping the bemused smile from Xigbar's face. The gnarled voice was easily distinguishable; the drawl tone, the unimpressed expression, the imminent end to all fooling around.

"Morning, Saïx," Xigbar attempted to be civil, discreetly pulling Demyx by the scruff of his neck from under the table. The basement crew went back to their private conversation, shuffling closer together for safety.

Saïx ignored him, apparently more concerned with Luxord's last accusation. "I'll have you know, number ten, that I don't indulge in spending any of my spare time under number nine's bed, and that it's unlikely I ever will,"

"That's just as well; you'd have to share with Mr. Lord of the Underbed," Xigbar quipped, unable to resist the temptation.

"Xiggy, you said that you wouldn't!"

Saïx's head rapidly swivelled around, dumbfounded and furious "Who is this man and how did he manage to sneak into the castle?!"

"He's a figment of Demyx's imagination – not even real," Xigbar confirmed, patting the trembling sitar-player on the back comfortingly.

For a brief moment, Demyx forgot about being terrified and stood resolutely, eyes burning in urgency "Oh, he is too real!"

Xigbar shook his head, despairingly. "No, kid, really, he's not… let me explain-"

"He doesn't exist, my boy," Luxord offered helpfully.

"So, he's a nobody?!" Saïx hissed disbelievingly, withdrawing his huge claymore, and falling into an over-exaggerated battle stance. "Where is he?!"

"No weapons at the breakfast table," Xaldin snapped irritably, clanging his spatula against the cook pot in ferocity. The table was quietened and Saïx begrudgingly put his favourite weapon away. Sighing immensely, Xaldin gave the members seated a quick count, furrowing his brow after the grand total came to measly six – surely they didn't dislike his cooking much? It wasn't half as bad as Axel's charcoal treats, or as deadly as Larxene's poisoned-delicacies. As a matter of fact, where cooking was concerned, Xaldin was probably the most competent.

"Where is everyone this morning?" he asked, carefully making his way around the table, to dish out his frothing broth. "Was there a party last night or something?"

"Axel and Roxas were definitely celebrating!" Demyx giggled, eyeing his portion of broth in suspicion.

"Oh, not this again," Xigbar groaned, referring to both Demyx's assumptions and the sloppy mixture currently being poured into his dish.

"Look, if you don't like it don't eat it – starve for all I care!" Xaldin scoffed, glaring venomously at the disinterested gunslinger.

"I'm telling you, Xiggy, Roxas even requested I write a song about their relationship…" Demyx continued, lowering his voice.

"Right, I'm sure."

"And I caught them last night, looking all hot and flustered!"

"Yep,"

"Axel was so embarrassed – he had to leave the room!"

"Oh, I bet he was…"

"I think they were having a lover's tiff of sorts, you know?"

"Totally,"

"It worries me, Xiggy, I hope they're alright…"

"Mmm," Xigbar had finally given up on words, deciding a grunt of acknowledgment would be sufficient enough.

"I mean, I've never seen Axel do that before…"

"**Seen me to do **_**what**_** before?"** a familiar voice asked eagerly, its owner putting an inquiring arm around the babbling sitar-player.

"Axel, you're alright!" Demyx jerked in surprise, knocking over the contents of his dish in the process. Xaldin huffed indignantly.

"Yeah, just about…" Axel replied tiredly, letting out a long yawn. Larxene had been giving him lady-lessons for the duration of the morning, forcing him to act like an upper-class lady of society, though unfortunately she'd got impatient after a short while, deciding a montage was probably the quickest way of dealing with things.

"You sure about that?" Xibgar asked, regarding the pyro's newly acquired set of dark circles and bloodshot eyes. "Pulled an all-nighter?"

"Hehe, I bet he did!" Demyx snickered, nudging Xigbar encouragingly. "Did Roxas keep you up all night?"

"Who'd have thought the kid could be so rough…" Axel nodded, withdrawing his arm and delicately taking a seat; his body was aching from the impossibly tight corsets and various other garments of torture he'd been viciously strapped into beforehand.

"See; told you!" Demyx cheered, giving Xigbar a second and slightly rougher nudge.

"Will you stop that?" Xigbar grumbled, momentarily pretending to be interested in eating his breakfast.

"But it's true, isn't it, Ax?" Demyx wasn't for giving up – he had a point to make and everyone would hear it, whether they wanted to or not.

"What's that, Dem?"

"About you and Roxas, last night,"

"Oh – that!" Axel said with a small grin, recalling last night's scissor-snapping action "yeah, he really caught me off guard there – didn't realise he was into that sort of thing, guess I'll know for future reference. It's all sorted now though, no doubt he'll be very surprised when he wakes up, if you catch my drift?"

"You mean – you both – you two were actually – let me get this straight, you two are – you spent all night – since when?!" the gunslinger stumbled around for the right words, eyebrows raised.

"Well, it was after that meeting, you know. Lots of tension flying around, needed to be resolved, and Roxy decided he wanted to do it THAT way," Axel sighed, wincing as he shuffled in his seat.

"It's – it's TRUE?!" Xigbar's jaw began to start its long, perilous journey to the ground, dropping dramatically.

"Yeah, shocking, huh?" Axel said casually, tucking into his cold broth, unaware of the lurking figure behind him. This particular lurking figure currently had three different emotions circling its brain; anger, bafflement and hunger – hunger for revenge, that was. Silently sneaking, it loomed over its target, going all out for the element of surprise.

"_**Alright, where are they?! I know you took them – it has to be you!"**_ Roxas half-shrieked, half-growled, lunging onto the oblivious redhead. Axel choked on his breakfast, before identifying his mysterious attacker, a smirk twisting his lips.

"My my, Roxy, you're looking pretty this morning!"

"Where are they?!" Roxas snarled, ignoring the many incredulous gazes surveying his bizarre transformation. Larxene had kept her word to Axel; going to great lengths to give the scissor-blade-wielder the make-over of his life. He now resembled a gothic Lolita chambermaid, complete with pinafore and knee-high buckled boots, though apparently the aforementioned maid hadn't noticed the difference yet.

"No – no!" Xigbar howled, "it's true – it's all true!"

"Number thirteen, you'll have to take that off, it's not appropriate for a nobody to wear such startlingly obscene-" Saïx gagged, marching over the dolled-up blond, infuriated. Axel beat him to it, intent on expressing his appreciation.

"Aw, Rox, is all this effort for me?"

"I'll find them, you mark my words!" Roxas persisted, attempting to attack the leering pyro, although much to his dismay, he was pulled into a forceful hug.

"I'm so flattered, you should do this more often!" Axel beamed, positively overwhelmed with laugher, secretly thanking a certain Savage Nymph for her creativity.

"Oh good nothingness!" Luxord gasped, abandoning his paper, to stare on, bewildered.

Unusually, the basement crew appeared to be struggling under fits of laughter, each of them collapsing over the other hysterically. Xaldin was apparently the only one unaffected, far too preoccupied with cursing over his wasted cooking efforts. They'd pay, they'd definitely pay.

"Get off!" Roxas snarled vehemently, flapping around like a manic octopus in a fish tank. His eyes flashed around the room in search of help, finding only laugher, puzzlement and, in Xigbar's case, absolute and utter horror.

"Xiggy, are you alright?" Demyx asked anxiously, giving the frozen freeshooter a rough shake, without gaining a reaction – Xiggy clearly wasn't alright. He was on pause, it seemed, his mouth stuck in a stretched circular shape, while his eyes bulged, filling with terror-struck disbelief.

"Alright, fine, be cute and pretty by yourself, then" Axel said, adopting a fake upset and offended attitude, he pushed the blond away, turning his back and folding his arms in over-exaggerated melancholy.

"I will, just you watch me – I'll be real cute and – what?!" Roxas caught his tongue before it inflicted any more damage – had he really just said that? He really hoped not, but by the looks of things, he had; Axel had cheered up significantly, Demyx was giggling, Luxord had cleared his throat rather loudly, the basement crew had taken to rolling around on the floor and Xigbar… well, he remained the same; paralyzed, in his open-mouthed position, although his jaw may have possibly dropped another half-inch after hearing Roxas' proud proclamation.

Saïx growled, his mouth sloping into a displeased frown. His initial strategy of ignorance and focusing on writing a speech to Xemnas, which covered the depth and intensity of his withheld feelings had failed, as he found himself too distracted and aggravated by the childish displays taking place. He was about to take action, when astonishingly Demyx got there first.

"Look, Rox, I think you'd better see this," the sitar-player said, with a weak smile, creating a puddle of water and motioning the blond toward it.

"See what?" Roxas demanded, dazed and confused, warily approaching the shimmering puddle. "I don't see anything…"

"Look harder," Demyx whispered ambiguously, his voice suddenly echoing.

Roxas squinted, his face inches away from the water. "Nope, it's just my reflection…"

"Harder still, find the maid that lives in you…"

"This reminds me of something," Axel interrupted, scratching the back of his head in deep thought, "isn't he supposed to see his father in there or something?"

Everyone removed their glances from Roxas and planted them on the babbling redhead, apart from Xigbar of course, who'd tuned out about ten minutes ago.

"Alright, forget I said anything," Axel sighed, a tad disappointed, resisting the urge to mention something about a talking monkey.

"Well, Rox?" Demyx inquired, watching the blonds' curious expression transform into a look of complete petrifaction.

"Axel…" he gasped, trembling in a mixture of exasperation and embarresment, "y-you did this to me?" He'd hoped his eyes were playing tricks on him at first, but much to his dismay, he really was dressed to impress. What was he wearing? Why was he wearing it? What had actually happened last night? Where were his scissors? Why was Xaldin sulking? And just why was Saix scribbling down words of affection on a piece of parchment? All these questions plagued him, while his mind was on rewind, actively searching for any recollection of the events that had taken place last night, unfortunately nothing came to mind.

"I'd like to say yes, but the credit for this one belongs to someone else, I'm afraid" Axel said, almost remorsefully.

"Don't think you can push the blame on someone else, like you always do!" Roxas rose to his feet, his temper nearing combustion point, wordlessly he grabbed a knife from the table, lunging; he'd cut those scarlet flames with or without his beloved scissors.

Axel gave him an accomplished smile, following suit. "Oh, you asked for it, Roxy,"

"_**Wait there, Cinderella,"**_ a new voice declared, powerful and authoritative – Axel was pulled to a sharp halt, as a forceful tug from behind prevented him from progressing any further. "You've been a very naughty boy…"

"Uh oh," Demyx whispered, acknowledging the new threat's easily recognizable shadow – the antennas gave it away. "It's Larxene!"

Missing his target, Roxas crumpled to the floor, like a soggy pancake. The table erupted in a unified gasp, which included everyone save for Xaldin and Xigbar, who had other priorities on their minds.

"I need to talk you," she hissed into Axel's ear, regarding the other occupants of the room and glowering, "in private,"

"This exact minute?" Axel gasped, reluctant to part with his Lolita-teasing shenanigans. "Come on, Larx, give me another minute, just so I can-" he pulled in the direction of the fallen blond, smirking, but the savage nymph meant business; she yanked on his reigns once more, half-choking him.

"It can't wait," she scowled impatiently, pressing cold steel to the back of his neck threateningly.

On the other side of the table, hovering over his cook pots, Xaldin was at wit's end; his supposedly calm, delicious and highly appreciated breakfast meal had turned into some kind of overly cheesy soap opera, with far too many surprise appearances. Resolute, he gripped his spatula, letting out an almighty roar, as he waved the utensil in a menacing rabble.

All eyes turned to him, shocked, startled and one set a bit seduced.

"Now, I've had just about enough this, it's ridiculous! Breakfast is a time of consumption, planning the day's events and enjoying my wonderful, wondrous cooking!"

The disgruntled Whirlwind Lancer leapt upon the table, madness blazing in his dark eyes, spatula raised in glorified dementia. Saïx bit back a howl of vexation, as the table wobbled, causing him to smudge the last few lines of his delicately sensitive confession. '_Hairy imbecile…_" he muttered under his breath, Xaldin heard regardless.

"What was that, does the boss' bitch disagree?" Xaldin rounded on him.

"I was merely stating, that you, number three, are a-"

Xaldin cut him off, looming above domineeringly. "Tell me, did you bare a full moon last night? Did the boss get his solar eclipse?"

"How dare you!"

"Alright," Larxene said in a hushed tone, watching the aforementioned Boss' Bitch have his head thrust into the remnants of his neglected breakfast. "Now's our chance, everyone's distracted, follow me," she beckoned, pulling Axel vigorously by the arm; he complied, allowing himself to be led away from the chaos.

--

"They're up to something," Zexion said quietly to Vexen and Lexaeus in their huddled formation. "A strange alliance, I must say,"

"Strange, but most possible," Vexen agreed, watching the two lingering silhouettes in the doorway. Lexaeus nodded, half-watching the squabble taking place further down the table. Xaldin now had Saïx in a headlock, and was forcibly stuffing cold broth down his gullet.

"Tell me how good it is – tell me!" Xaldin demanded, viciously shaking the flailing diviner, another spoonful of mushy coldness at the ready.

"Mmmmprghh!" Saix mumbled, trying his very best not to suffocate.

"You love it, don't you?!"

"Anyway, we've more important things to worry about right now…" Zexion added, lowering a copy of 'A Beginner's Guide to Techno-Raving, "I trust you've set the lab up, Vexen?"

"Yes, it's ready, everything's running perfectly," Vexen replied, with a cocky grin, clearly impressed with his efforts.

"Excellent, and Lex- what of the equipment? Have you acquired all the necessary parts?"

"It's all down there," Lexaeus said, wondering whether he should break up the fight, he decided against it, as he wasn't feeling particularly heroic today.

"Great, then tonight's the night," Zexion said, resuming his reading, smiling contently.

--

"Xig?"

Xigbar couldn't hear a thing; he was about twenty minutes behind everyone else, sluggishly trying to comprehend something he'd always considered to be impossible.

"Xiggy?"

No, it had to be a misunderstanding of sorts.

"Xiggy-Wiggy?"

As if nobodies could become involved together like that!

"Jigsaw?"

Xigbar heard that one and he relinquished a small grunt of disapproval; of all the names the kid had called him that had to be worst. He was anything but a jigsaw.

"Awh, it's no use" Demyx gave in, his arms dropping to his side in defeat, unsuccessful in bringing the stunned gunslinger out of his bizarre coma. He dipped into his pockets, seeking out his prompt cards, snatching up the first one that fell into his hand. "Okay, then… let's see… 'if the subject fails to respond, use aggression to liberate his true disposition,' right…"

--

"Well, then, what is it?" Axel demanded, slouching against the doorway, he'd lost yet another chance to humiliate his favorite target and wasn't best pleased about the loss, "I thought Alex was being introduced tonight?"

Larxene paced for a few moments, humming thoughtfully, as she absentmindedly slid a knife along the wall. "I want to test her out, before she ensnares lover boy, just to check she's actually convincing"

Axel felt his body quiver in apprehension, a sickly-sweet Xemnas love melody ringing his ears. "Eergh, what do you suggest?"

"Someone who considers himself far too important to have breakfast with the rest of us, someone who already possesses all the qualities of a lady, somebody who spends an unhealthily long amount of time fussing about his shrubbery…"

"Huh?" Axel gaped, apparently not picking up on the blatantly obvious clues, "who is this somebody?"

"He's a nobody, who thinks he's a somebody, especially in the garden"

"Oh…" the pyro scanned his memory for a few moments, realization came soon enough, hitting him harder than a romantic dinner with Xemnas, though that was still fairly disturbing. "Oh hell no… anyone but **HIM!"**

* * *

**A/N: Would anyone like to contribute a few character names for cameo appearances in the next chapter? They need to be bizarre and… gnome-ish. Keep it clean. :p**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Urrrgh is all I can say in response to writing this chapter, really, I thought I'd never finish it. I've fallen back into my slow and lazy writing style once again, oops. I actually lost the initial plan for this chapter at work, since a customer mistook it for their receipt and decided to take it home, poor man, haha.**

**Big thanks to people who reviewed, faved and alerted on the last chapter!**

**Oh, if you get the reference with the chapter title; well done – a golden star for you! ;)**

**Enjoy the chapter and the truly awful innuendos.**

Chapter Five

Buns and Tea Cosies

"_**Who knocks upon my door at this early hour?"**_

Cup came to saucer, crumpet was dropped, half-eaten and garden-shears were raised offensively, as the Graceful Assassin delicately pushed his way through over-grown foliage, urgent suspicion lengthening his strides. This was a highly strange occurrence, everyone in the Organization knew from eight till twelve was his breakfast and frolicking around with flowers time, and that he wasn't to be interrupted, mentioned or offered any other beverages but his own during this time.

Initially, the knock had alarmed him and he'd wondered if castle was under siege, or if Kingdom Hearts was finally complete. Both were very unlikely, so he concluded someone had obviously allocated a few hours of causing Marly an appalling amount of bothersome activity time to their schedule. He didn't like to be bothered, particularly this early in the morning, any form of bothering normally resulted in stress, and that was something he'd been trying to avoid lately.

He rubbed his temples, sighing inwardly, regretting covering the door in an ivy-veil, which had seemed like a good idea at the time, but now he cursed his impulsiveness, grasping blindly through the leaves in search of the peep-hole. With great difficulty, he located the minute hole along with the microphone; Marluxia was a very precautious man, who took security to the highest possible level.

His garden was a place of privacy, picnics and perfidiously putrid plants, all of which he preferred to keep under wraps, than have to deal with an interrogation from Xemnas; it wasn't possible to explain some the creations that were currently residing within his room origins.

Squinting through the newly located peep-hole, he gasped in astonishment as a seemingly unknown figure filled his vision.

"Oh my…" he breathed, slowly pulling the microphone to his mouth, intrigue and wonder overbearing his discontent. "What have we here?"

--

How long did it take to open a door? Seconds, minutes, hours? Marluxia obviously liked to build up tension.

Axel groaned, shifting around in the ceaseless ocean of red, orange and yellow layers, why had Larxene forced him to wear something so outrageously ridiculous to meet Blossom Boy in? It didn't make sense… he only needed to impress Xemnas, right? Apparently not.

There was a brief scuffling noise from behind closed doors, and Axel quickly straightened up, adjusting his make-shift bust, noting it was looking rather lop-sided. Larxene had prepared him in a hurry, muttering something about timing being crucial, as she threw various overly frilly and pretty dresses followed by numerous other lady garments in his face.

He'd been able to deal with wearing a dress, just about; it was perhaps a bit too warm for his liking and tight, it was definitely too tight in places, but aside from that it was more or less bearable. As was the voice-altering potion she'd thrust down his throat, and the plastered layers of make-up she'd slapped on hastily yet perfectly, however, there was on element of his transformation he'd had major issues with.

"So unnecessary…" he murmured, slightly shocked by his newly acquired feminine tone but far more disturbed by the wavy locks of scarlet occupying the place in which a towering inferno once majestically resided. She'd bribed him with the hair-operation, offering a daily masquerade of Roxas in tremendously funny costumes; of course all of them would be in the style of the redhead's personal choice. Easter bunny was on tomorrow's agenda.

"Tell me, young maiden, what brings you down yonder into my wonderland?" An elegant voice drifted out of hidden speakers, somehow managing to echo throughout the corridor; Marly had obviously invested in surround sound since his last visit.

"Uh, yeah…hey," Axel began awkwardly, not entirely comfortable with the fact he was greeting a closed door. "Nice to meet you, I suppose,"

"Hm? Marluxia let a small noise of bafflement, increasingly growing more fascinated with his visitor. "What an unconventional salutation," he hummed thoughtfully, taking a long, scrutinizing stare at the intriguing redhead. She was indeed quite an unusual lady, in dress-sense, behaviour and tongue, he found himself torn between dismissing her and inviting her in.

"Uhm," Axel was at a loss for words, clumsily searching for something ladylike to say, knowing full well he'd have to be meticulously careful about what he said; Marluxia was very perceptive, more so than he let on.

"You've still not answered my question, my lovely,"

Axel bit back a snarl, grinding his teeth in fury "my lovely" he hissed under his breath, evidently disgusted; he'd never been referred to as something so revoltingly… sweet. Assuring himself it'd be over soon enough, he opened his mouth, encouraging more gibberish to flow. "Well, I… I'm…"

"Actually," Marluxia stopped him mid-sentence; another question had suddenly taken greater priority. "How did you even get into the castle?"

Swallowing hard, hoping his improvisation skills wouldn't let him down, Axel replied with the first and probably most obvious explanation that occurred to him. "Through the gift shop," he said simply, stifling a laugh. "I was pretending to buy a… erm… Xemnas key ring…"

"Oh, I see, how clever of you," Marluxia nodded, smiling respectfully, remembering that the Castle that Never was did indeed have a gift shop of sorts, after all, what was a castle without a gift shop? There was flaw in the mysterious ladies' explanation, however "I believe the Xemnas key rings are currently bestsellers and they're always out of stock, I trust you were able to purchase one?"

"Yeah, yeah, got the last one apparently," Axel played along, "thought I'd spoil myself and buy a Marluxia one, too," he added, hoping to flatter the Graceful Assassin into submission.

"The glittery special edition one?"

"You bet,"

"Hm, I see, very good…"

There was then a short silence, in which Marluxia tapped a finger to his chin in consideration, occasionally giving his stranger a curious stare then surveying the premises for any unwanted onlookers. His train of thought was finished with the dawn of an obvious fact; this illustrious lady was nothing more than a naughty crook with great taste in fashion. Adamant with his decision, he summoned his scythe, along with a shower-load of petals to add atmosphere.

"Regardless of your commendable intuition, I'm afraid you're still trespassing on private property, so I'll have to let you feel my scythe, now prepare to be-"

Somewhat surprised by Marluxia's stubbornness, even after a compliment, Axel was down to his last resort, something he'd thought up over the last few minutes, which was a long shot, but he had to try at least.

"I've come to inquire about a shrubbery!" he spat out, with desperation. "I'm in the process of growing one, and I'd much appreciate some advice,"

Without warning, the door swung open, knocking the fiery mistress into a toppling mess, submerging him beneath lace, veils and frustratingly puffy material.

"Well, why didn't you say so?"

--

"Please, do take a seat – no, not there – further along, further along!"

After rescuing the damsel in distress from his carnivorous dress, which had taken a good ten minutes and multiple cries of impatience, Marluxia had quickly rushed him indoors, continually glancing in anxious suspicion. Axel had discreetly asked if there was something wrong, but had been given a dismissive shake of the head, as he was led by the hand through a dense expanse of overgrown flowers and all things green and leafy.

Several things about the flower fanatic's room seemed amiss, the first being how messy and unkempt it was; weeds and overgrown vines spread about the floor, snaking tightly around anything they could find, consequently making it very difficult to walk in high-heeled shoes, as Axel was beginning to find out. Another bizarre thing was the number of strange lumps beneath the mess of vines, which moved every so often, as if they were breathing – the stumbling pyro was sure to give them a wide berth. Last but not least, were the recurrent sounds of growling, birdsong and tree-rustling that seemed to playing on repetitive loops.

"Sounds of the Jungle: Volume II," Marluxia had said with a boastful grin when Axel had inquired.

There was something unsettling about this jungle, something hostile - something silently deadly. Axel blinked from underneath his long flaming-red lashes, certain he'd seen something creeping in the undergrowth. As they turned the corner another horrifying shock was waiting.

"They… they're…" he stammered, finding himself surrounded by gargantuan Marly-shaped hedges, all of which were trimmed to perfection. There had been at least fifty of them, displaying the pink-haired flower enthusiast in numerous different poses. The one entitled 'A Ponderous Bath time,' had made the disguised pyro shudder slightly, alerting someone's attention.

"Oh yes, what do you think – very lifelike?" Marluxia suggested, with an expectant smile; he was very proud of his bushes – he always kept them well trimmed.

"Lovely," Axel said, borrowing the word he'd loathed a few moments ago, "just lovely,"

"One can never be unhappy with a professionally trimmed bush!"

Axel nodded, wanting to make a snide remark, though he soon forgot about it after narrowly avoiding collision with a Marly-hedge in action-pose, striking thin air with its overly large scythe.

The amazingly long and winding journey through the Jungle of Horrors eventually came to and end, as Marluxia led him to a civilised-looking clearing, much to his relief, where a luxurious breakfast for at least thirty had been set up elegantly, growing colder by the second, as the table was currently empty. Everywhere was lit up with multicoloured fairy lights, fluorescently sparkling in kaleidoscopic magnificence, while the huge empty ornate table dominated the area, with many matching chairs and flower arrangements. Scattered across the table were teapots of every shape and colour, plates bearing exotic-looking snacks and treats – how in nothingess could anyone prepare such a great quantity of food for himself?

Grateful to finally be sitting down, and not have stride through rampant overgrowth in ridiculously uncomfortable shoes, Axel collapsed on the nearest chair, before being deposited elsewhere. He grunted in the most ladylike fashion he could muster.

"Move one up," Marluxia demanded, rather ungracefully throwing himself on a nearby chair, only to sharply rise up once again, unsatisfied with his decision. "No, no this is all wrong!"

"Hey, how about making up your mind, pal?" Axel asked exasperatedly, his tone venturing into the realms of manliness. "I'm not in the mood for a game of musical chairs…"

"Now, that's no way for a young lady to speak!"

"How indecent of me," Axel corrected himself, reluctantly curtseying, "I apologise, I'd just really like to sit down, you know? It's not easy being a lady…"

Marluxia smiled gently, pulling up a chair, which hadn't been tested, "all is forgiven, please take a seat, Miss… Miss – how rude – I never asked your name!"

"Not to worry," Axel replied, slumping into his seat, without bothering to rearrange his skirts, "The name's Alex. A-L-E-X. Recollect it later on." He probably could have done without the spelling lesson or that last part, but it was a traditional greeting he couldn't be without.

"Well met, Alex, " Marluxia hadn't noticed the obvious similarity his visitor's greeting had with a certain member of the Organization. As far as he was concerned, Alex was a very creative and original individual, with a rather unique sitting position.

"Nice place you've got here," Axel began, attempting to make conversation, growing a little anxious underneath the staring assassin's intense gaze. He quietly wondered what a lady was supposed to discuss during breakfast; Flowers? Tea? Cake? Maybe all three…

"Why, thank you," Marluxia continued to smile, settling down on Axel's left, "yes, I must say I'm rather impressed with my efforts this year. I've renovated most of middle-section, you see, it was an absolute and utter mess after I'd disposed of all of those meddlesome weeds, and there was something unmentionably horrible living there, oh, it was foul, so foul, like a neglected cup of tea, with lumps of milk floating at the top, urgh…"

"That's terrible," Axel said, feigning interest, legs far apart, slouching casually; he'd already forgotten everything Larxene had taught him.

"Oh yes, most certainly, Miss Alex, a truly repulsive sight! I had to get the gnomes to do away with it, I wouldn't go anywhere near the thing – you had to see the size of its teeth – huge, gigantically terrifying, deadly horrifying – and a putrid breath, oh nothingess – what a stench – I nearly threw up on it! All in all I would say it was the most pleasant of creatures!"

"Gnomes, you say?" Axel asked, curiosity awakening,

"Yes, yes, that reminds me – would you care for some tea?" Marluxia offered, leaning across the table to reach for a large golden bell, which had been sneakily hidden underneath a tea-cosy.

"Well, I wouldn't mind… but-"

"Wonderful! I'll ask them to bring some Creamy-Marly buns too!"

Before Axel was able to get another word in edgeways, sideways or any other possible way, the huge bell was tolled, sending a deep ringing melody across the isolated jungle. All was silent for a short moment, and Axel took the time to contemplate whether he really wanted to know what a 'Creamy-Marly bun' was.

"You called, Sir?"

Axel swivelled on the spot, eyes darting around like maddened fireflies, trying to put a face to the unknown gruff voice. He found it soon enough, three of them in fact, stood side by side, staring intently in their master's direction.

"Ah, yes, Bloom, Rosebud and Dave, please let me introduce you to my new friend, Miss Alex," Marluxia began excitedly, addressing his tiny servants, a cocky grin slithering across his lips. He had a new friend; they didn't.

"My Lady," the first and undoubtedly the most civil-looking of the three spoke up, while taking a prolonged bow, looking fairly startled. "I'm Bloom, a pleasure meeting you."

The second, Rosebud, who was currently conducting an expedition of his left ear hole with only his index finger, mouthed a brief greeting, before examining the golden prize which he'd so painstakingly excavated.

Dave, the last of the three, trembled violently, unsure of which direction to look in, he quickly flopped to the ground like a wet sock. His face was pale, panic-stricken, and he had constant retreating look in his eyes. Nervously, clutching his mud-splattered trowel, he finally managed a few words, "M-master, it needs feeding…"

Marluxia slapped a hand to his forehead dramatically, slowly allowing it to slide down, masking his expression. "Davey Davey Davey…"

Sensing danger, Dave made a grab for his bobble hat, attempting to hide within its warm and woollen confides, though after much persistent shoving and squeaks of futile effort, the harassed gnome decided he'd probably be better off running at a high speed in the opposite direction of his master, and so, he did.

"My apologies, sweet Alex, he's been through some rough times of late, not quite recovered yet," Marluxia offered, calm once again.

Axel merely smiled, summoning a girly laugh, "Ah, heh… what was he talking about?"

Marluxia shot a quick glance over at the large clock, hung worryingly pendulously over the bemused redhead's current place at the table, "Oh, nothing much," he said dismissively.

"It sounded rather serious," Axel pressed on, accepting the tea Rosebud offered, with a slight grimace, as the gnome immediately made a speedy dive into the interior of his own mud-covered pants, after setting a creamy-looking scone beside the steaming cup. "Uh thanks,"

"Oh, no, no…" Marluxia said, waving the two remaining gnomes away, "Davey was referring to the newest and cutest addition to our family,"

"I can think of more fitting words than cute," Bloom muttered, rolling his eyes, arranging the crockery in his wheelbarrow.

"Blistering blossoms!" Marluxia raged, squishing his creamy-marly-bun angrily in a shaking hand, delicious cream oozed "Bloom, did I ask for your opinion?!"

"I beg your pardon, my lord, it's just we're not used to strangers in the garden; I mean, it's not like you have company on a regular basis," Bloom said, hurriedly cleaning up the creamy mess his master had so kindly spread across the table.

"Yes, well, Miss Alex did ask very kindly for entrance, how could I refuse?"

The lady of the table smirked, pleased by her impressive progress. Who would have thought he'd make such a convincingly lovely lady? His expression dropped suddenly; maybe he was a bit girly after all…

"Many congratulations, Master, good to see you're conversing with something other than your plants," Bloom commented, sarcasm heavily evident in his tone.

Marluxia made an unimpressed noise with his lips, before shooing the gnomes once more, wanting to avoid further embarrassment. They complied, Bloom sighing tiredly as he pushed his wheelbarrow, while Rosebud followed suit, exuberant about the discovery he'd made in his nether regions. Axel watched them until they became small dots in the distance, wondering if he'd be able to wriggle some information out of them later on. His host was most definitely hiding something.

"Such deluded creatures, wouldn't you say?" Marluxia said, turning his attention back to his visitor. "Thinking they're entitled to an opinion, they'll pay for that later on…"

"Erm, yes?" Axel offered, cautiously prodding the creamy-Marly-bun with his spoon; it looked edible-ish… he wondered what the ingredients were.

"Dig in, my dear, they're creamylicious!"

"Creamylicious?" Axel repeated worriedly, that was another incentive to dispose of the creamy treat, as soon as possible.

"Did you know they're one hundred percent authentic jungle produce – everything's made here!" Marluxia exclaimed, pouring himself another cup of tea. " It's all grown right here, you see, Rosebud helps with the baking, while Bloom gathers the ingredients and I, well I add the secret and most special ingredient, _la pièce de résistance_! Oh, such splendorous magic has been baked into those buns, such love, such passion, such- MOVE SEATS!"

Without hesitation, Marluxia flung himself a couple of seats to the left, urging his befuddled guest to do the same, though Axel didn't see the reason in moving, and so remained slouched in his place, discreetly discarding the creamy bun underneath the table.

"You must move five seats down, Miss Alex!" The panicky assassin took flight across the table, latching onto the sleeve of Axel's dress.

"I like it here," Axel protested, sinking further into his seat. A disapproving growl erupted from the jungle behind, causing the stubborn redhead to have a sudden change of mind.

"Make haste, Miss Alex – haste!

"What in hell's blaz-," Axel gasped, forgetting himself as he swiftly plopped down on an alternate chair, "I mean, oh flaming dear, it seems I've upset the locals, are they always this sensitive?"

Marluxia quirked a curious eyebrow, before having a mini-spasm and setting his full attention on the nearest tea-pot. "More tea, Miss Alex? He sincerely hoped, his guest would somehow forget about hearing ITs aggrieved calls, and continue with the tea party as if nothing had happened. "Another creamy bun, perhaps?"

Axel threw his hands up dismissively; the prospect of having to rid himself of another cream treat was daunting. Even more daunting than the thought of what horrible, probably deadly, antisocial and many-toothed thing was hiding in his host's hidden jungle. Despite being somewhat apprehensive about the thing's identity, the pondering pyro allowed his inquisitive nature to take hold.

"Do you have a pet of some sort?"

"A pet?" Marluxia repeated, incredulous, "absolutely not – my plants are my only love, along with my tea-parties… and numerous other safe, secure and nice things,"

"Then… the growling belongs to?"

"Oh… that," Marluxia paused, drumming his fingers along the table in troubled thought; his charming guest was unpleasantly perceptive; she needed to be distracted, pronto. "Yes, actually, I do have a pet,"

"But, you just said-" Axel was cut off once again, beginning to wonder whether he was ever going to get an honest answer or even finish a sentence.

"Tell me, Miss Alex, if you had the opportunity to own a pet what would it be?" Marluxia asked, stalling for time in which he could accumulate a believable story about his seemingly lovable pet – he was going to call it 'Dribbles'.

"I'm not sure, really," Axel replied, slightly taken aback by the sudden questioning, "whatever you have?" he offered, unable to come up with anything ladylike.

"You wouldn't want one of those, darling – oh tremulous tulips- no!" Marluxia asserted, flailing in horror.

"Why ever not?"

"Because, because… if you were a neglected snowdrop, which had been trodden upon and starved of sunlight, what would your first idea of survival be?"

"Uhm… what's that got do with anything?" Axel's brain caved in, hardly able to comprehend what had just been asked, unsure of the question's meaning he decided to just respond with a polite nod and smile instead, which usually worked in similar situations. Was this Marluxia's best distraction technique? If so, it was awkwardly obvious.

"Interesting," Marluxia mumbled, pretending to digest the answer "now, how about summing up your personal interests using only five different evergreen plants to do so?"

"I don't actually think I can…"

"Oh, don't be silly,"

"Uh… erm… I enjoy conifer cutting?"

"I see, and top five places to go when feeling creative, using at least twelve different types of trees?"

"The erm.. the yeah, that one there, with the leaves and shit" Axel glanced around in search of trees he could recognise, pointing obviously, baffled by the fact he eager to answer the nonsensical questions.

Marluxia nodded, summoning his best intrigued face. "You are a Marlufficas Cremladous in mid-spring,"

"I'm a what?"

"If challenged to a duel by a Xemnassian Psyconis, would you accept?"

"Possibly?"

"A Xaldonian Medusa bites you, what do you do?"

Axel suppressed the urge to laugh,

"You've been eaten by Saixon Ranger, what to do?"

"I sincerely hope that never happens…"

"Is the Lexeera plant edible?"

"Better take that up with him,"

"A Demixera Sittarra sprouts unexpectedly in between your Zexiona Bokworma and causes havoc, plant more?"

"I can't see why not,"

"A Xigarnus Lancer entangles itself around your leg, seduced much?"

"I'm not really into that tentacle stuff; creeps me out…"

"You've been Luxorafied, how do you feel?"

"Confused, very confused,"

"Do you find yourself vexed by the Icy Vexabloo plant?"

"Oh, all the time,"

"Ever seen a Larxeblia Stabbus plantation after harvest?"

"That's something I've tried to avoid,"

"The Axlexalor saplings appear to be forcing themselves into the Roxassion flowerbeds, take action?"

"Those crafty saplings!" Axel couldn't help but grin.

"The gardener is disloyal, punish him?"

"Most definitely,"

"How so?"

"Erm.. oh… depends how… oh no, just… I don't know anymore!"

It was working, he hated to admit it, but it was actually working. Axel couldn't think straight anymore, the questions had leeched every last word out of him, rendering him a gibbering idiot. Marluxia smiled intently, accomplished.

"You know, you remind me of…" he began, feeling slightly giddy and going for his nineteenth cup of tea, straining his memory.

Axel abruptly forgot about his mind being reduced to mash, as his insides froze in realisation; he'd been discovered. Marluxia had asked those stupid questions for a reason – to expose him. The game was up, he had to come clean. Maybe Marly would join? It's not like he was overly fond of Saïx or Xemnas… or anyone not leafy and flowery for that matter. "It's just a prank, Marly-"

"That's it!" Marluxia rejoiced, the confessing redhead's words falling on deaf ears, eyes exuberantly bright, "you remind me of a cheesecake,"

"- and we just wanted to annoy him and turn him into a nervous- cheesecake?" Axel breathed a sigh of relief, never before had he been so ecstatic by the mention of cheesecake.

"Sweet and pretty on top, but below the sweetness lurks a layer of secrecy, mysteriousness and biscuit," Marluxia concluded, in an all-knowing tone, a few moments before leaping into another flail. "MOVE SEATS!"

"Not again" Axel murmured wearily, pulling himself to his feat and heading for the nearest seat, unfortunately his dress snagged on the edge of the table and pulled forcefully several times coming loose, ruining it in the process.

"Miss Alex, what have you done?!"

"It'll be fine, cello-tape works wonders," at least, that's what Axel hoped; otherwise Larxene would be having words with him, severally painful words.

Unconvinced, Marluxia shook his head, rising to his feet to ring golden bell once more. The reply was instant.

"Yeah, what?" Rosebud asked half-heartedly, irritated by the fact he'd been forced to abandon his mid-day lazing, in which he planned much exploration of self. With an effort, he managed to keep his hands knotted together, unable to break free and delve into the deep unknown.

"Rosebud, please fetch that material I've been saving for special occasions," Marluxia ordered, eyeing his guest with eagerness.

Rosebud scratched his head confusedly.

"Just bring my craft box!" The impatient assassin snapped, "and don't forget the sequins!"

"Really, my good sir, there's no need," Axel expressed his disagreement as kindly and calmly as possible, quickly covering himself as he noticed the tear had travelled higher, into a land of absolute and definite manliness.

"Nonsense, we'll have you fixed in no time!"

Soon enough, Rosebud emerged from the wilderness, heaving under the weight of a pile of eccentrically coloured rags, while sparkly items of all shapes and sizes dropped haphazardly to the ground. He didn't bother picking them up; why should he?

"Splendid, now, let's see…" Marluxia happily dug through the psychedelic pile, grunting and sighing indecisively as he tried to locate an appropriate material.

Perhaps now was the best time to leave? Axel thought drastically, fearing he may be the victim of his host's bizarre fashion fetishes. Surely he'd be exposed… he needed to make an exit, before it was too late, but all excuses seemed to elude him at that very moment. Maybe he could excuse himself with lady problems? Or was it referred to as 'lady business?' He hadn't a clue.

"Aha!" Brandishing a flowery gown, Marluxia cheered victoriously, comparing and debating over it's suitably. "Yes, yes… this is perfect – fabulous match – spot on – couldn't have found a better- MOVE SEATS!"

"Thank nothingess," Axel whispered, embracing the disturbance with utmost gratitude. He cleared his throat, stumbling to his feet, mulling over the final touches of his highly convincing exiting excuse. "Oh my, I just remembered!"

"Three down, Miss Alex, I think that should be adequate," Marluxia seemed uppity, more so than he had been before. Instead of resuming his garment selecting, he scanned around the clearing, his eyes flicking from the clock to the jungle.

"I must be taking my leave now," Axel persevered, clutching onto his dress protectively; most of his upper thigh was visible now. "I've had a great time, it was laugh, eh?" He bit his tongue angrily after the few last words; regardless of how hard he tried he wasn't able to lose his masculine dialect.

Marluxia squirmed in appalled dismay. "You're leaving already?!"

"I'm afraid I must, got lady business to attend to, this and that," excuse in place, Axel tramped towards the exit of clearing, without any of idea as to where he was going.

"Oh, then perhaps I could help you?"

"No no, that's fine!" Unspeakably repulsed, he quickened his pace considerably, heading straight in direction of Dribbles' pained yowls. If it confronted it him, he'd set it alight with his… his deadly… parasol. Damn, he thought, harmlessly spinning the pretty little accessory – he couldn't even harm a gnome with that thing.

"Forgive me for my rudeness, Miss Alex," Marluxia interjected, withdrawing his scythe from under the table and rushing after his departing guest. "I'm afraid I'll have to see you out,"

"I won't steal anything or set your plants alight, it's a promise!" Although, Axel had to admit, turning the jungle wonderland into a searing bonfire was highly tempting, unhealthily temping.

Marluxia gave a soft laugh, offering his hand to the escaping mistress. "My Sweet Fiery Blossom, while I am certain your intentions or not that of a stealing or setting gardens on fire nature, I must insist I accompany you to the door,"

Marly always got what he wanted, and if Marly wanted to hide a viscous, unfriendly man-eating creature with seating issues in his greenhouse without anyone knowing, he most definitely could, Axel thought in annoyance, eyeing the extended hand warily, before gingerly allowing his gloved hand to accept the offer.

"Ah, Miss Alex, before you leave," Marluxia smiled deviously, stroking the edge of his scythe affectionately. "I have a gift for you… something you'll find surprisingly pleasant,"

"Why is it surprisingly pleasant? Can't it be obviously pleasant or predictably pleasant, you know, without any nasty shocks?" Axel protested, pulling towards the exit with renewed vigour. Nightmares sprung to mind, rivalling the haunting Xemnas fantasies. Was the Graceful Assassin going to strip? Perform a dance number? Force a huge Creamy-Marly cake down his throat? Turn him into a flower? All was possible, all was awfully possible.

"You shall not be disappointed,"


End file.
